i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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