6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
