god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
