I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
operation have a gay friend backfired
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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