It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
