the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
