Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
