He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
