I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
