I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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