it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
one might say we're banned from that church
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
