wakey wakey hands off snakey
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
