he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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