***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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