dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
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