On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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