11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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