I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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