Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
