I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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