Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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