We named our party play list daddy issues
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
