i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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