We won't sleep together?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
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