Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
