Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
