Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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