my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He has the fingertips of a God
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
