Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You smell like stripper and shame
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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