Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize