you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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