Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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