There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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