Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
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I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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