So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
