just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
