So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
