we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
