Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
