you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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