do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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