when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
