I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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