he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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