Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
