There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
