he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
