He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I want to fling myself into the sun
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
