Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
