perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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