Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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