i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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