When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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