the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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