I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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