I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
