last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
