life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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