What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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