I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I can't turn off my feet"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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