I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
