I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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