i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Randomize
