I accidentally burped into my bong.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
