just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
