He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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