the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i think my mom watched the whole time
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
