is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So much rum. So many feels.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
