just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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