I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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