Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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