You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
