North Korea, Best Korea!
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
