with your own penis?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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