I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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