Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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