So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
